Still think of you

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We met at a party a week after I got out of the hospital, and when you walked into the room, I was abruptly grateful for the fact that I was wearing my choir dress and red lipstick.

I immediately was drawn to you and your floaty ways, but when you mentioned being excited to go to another party because a girl was there, I abandoned my attraction. 

And then, suddenly, I was getting to know you over winter break, teaching you crafts and cuddling in your bed. Suddenly, you grabbed my hand in the car and kissed the top of my head as I laid next to you and suddenly we were kissing in your room and I was staying over as we watched our favorite shows and went to the discount Chinese grocery store and met for lunch between classes.

Suddenly, I fit to you somehow.

At that party in February, you told me, “You don’t have to be the loudest person in the room. You’re not ruining anything — you just need to be yourself.” I buried my face in your sweater. That’s when I knew. 

And suddenly, it was over, you sitting on the grass next to me, telling me you weren’t ready, me skipping class to savor that last hour with you. I said “I love you” for the first time as we parted ways. If I hadn’t held my tongue and had said it sooner, would you have somehow been able to feel the same? Maybe keeping it in allowed us to pretend for a while and enjoy the fun and the magic a little longer. Thanks for seeing me and understanding me. It’s okay that you weren’t ready to be seen.

Maybe we will be friends :)

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