In daylight

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A dog howls, the moon rises.

In darkness, the stars pierce forever. 

A rooster crows, the sun rises.

In daylight, it’s as if the stars never existed.

How can I go on after I have lost so many times, over and over? I feel so deeply for people and I don’t think I ever get over anything. Each interaction and overlap touches me to my core. And then it’s over. The pain of each loss builds and builds and each time the pain returns it’s a little worse. Every time I try again I am more afraid of losing. How can I pretend in daylight that things never were?

Maybe it’s childish. But I don’t regret giving so much every time. If only it didn’t drain me so. 

I should focus on my freedom and my friends and on healing. But the parts that need healing lie dormant when I am alone so I never know how to remedy them. And when they flare up I get so illogical and scared that it’s hard to function. 

I wish I could enjoy things while they last. I think I’m getting better at it. That’s all we can do — enjoy things while they last. If we think too far ahead sometimes that’s the undoing of things.

Even if I cannot see the stars in the daytime, they are still there. And their image always come back each night.

I guess life is like that. In daylight it’s as if the stars never existed, but they are always there in my heart. And I always see them again in a new and better form.

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