Savior

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Linnea asks me, "Would you leave yourself behind?"

I shake my head. "No. I'm all I have."

"Can you see her?" 

"Go to her. Touch her. Hold her."

"You're so pretty when you cry. It would be a shame not to see you cry anymore."

I could never part with her, try as I might. 

She sits on the couch, so small, so brave. I'm still glued there in my mind.

I just wanted someone to save me.

She stayed for me and fought so hard. I need to stay for her.

If I left I'd miss my cat rattling my doorknob to enter my room and purr on my lap. The angel figurine on my desk would light up by itself with no one to cheer up. I'd never see the beautiful eyes of my friends and family, the pasture in the summer, the wide expanses of lake and ocean. No more sneaking into the barn, writing songs, reading in the garden. I’d never love as deeply as I know I am capable of.

I used to think that a world so difficult wasn't meant for me.

But maybe the difficulty makes it worth it to stay, makes the journey more fulfilling.

She stays for me because she knows how scared I am.

In a world where I am always scared of being left behind, it is she who is afraid of being left, who endured being left and survived. And so I will never leave her.

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